Roarin' Fire's Poetry - To Say Goodbye by Wolfmoon

To Say Goodbye

by Wolfmoon

We struggled to make it work,
And we struggled to say goodbye.

So many good times
The bad times were few but so intense.

From seeing you at my house when Johnny died;
The kiss on the neck; that one moment that kept me hanging on.

Being at your house and your mom so sweet to me
Later, listening to my mom; drunk and accusing us of
Being who we really were; lovers!

Riding out to Rock Creek; sitting at the bridge
Taking photos and solemnly discussing our future.

They didn't separate us, though they tried,
We had such a very hard time saying goodbye
All those nights in your driveway.

It wasn't easy staying home and watching mom drink and party
I preferred to be with you and forget in my own way.

Moved in together in '86
And started our new life together.

Later, actually wanting a union ceremony
And all the preparations, leading up to San Francisco.

We did a lot of neat stuff together
Especially with our two best friends.

But our trips alone were great too.
Camping, hiking, photography, writing, loving the outdoors.

I felt safe with you and sure (most times)
I liked consistency but you opened me up to other things.

But, all in all, I liked consistency, ruts, no stirring the water;
No shaking of the cage and there .... I dug my hole.

I probably should have been in therapy before Mom died.
I was not proud of my past and I didn't know how to shake it.

I allowed my feelings to interfere with 'us'.
Not knowingly at first, then it was too late to stop.

I apologize for hurting you, for not believing in you at times
For not trusting you; for not giving more.

I now wonder if I will ever be able to give more...
Or do I let my past continue to tell me that I'm not worth it...

I do know better than to believe all the words of a drunk...
But some things are imbedded and I'm doing my best now
to dig them out, expose them and denounce them.

We were best friends with a lot of intense emotions
That brought us to bond.
I will never regret those years
I will never forget you!

Our definition of passion was different and that's not a bad thing.
We say goodbye to some things and make room for people!
I love you, Corene!

4-6-03