Exorcism

We're finally ready to start painting the office
It's the last room in the house to be done
For the past three years we've been doing renovations
In 2005 we redid the master bedroom and closets
The next summer we worked on the bathroom
Then last year it was the living room and the kitchen

It will be so nice to be completely finished
And to have everything back where it belongs
Instead of scattered all over the house like it is now
But that's not the only reason
That I'll be glad when this room is through
I'm hoping for an exorcism of sorts

With the room totally empty
The faux wood paneling
Is even more prominent than usual
Causing my thoughts to drift back in time to when
My ex and I first moved into this house together
That was in the fall of 1987

At that time, I liked the fact that every wall
In the entire house was wood paneling
In an odd way I found it comforting
The walls gave me a sense of familiarity
Since my parents' house
Was wood paneled as well

Back then though this room wasn’t an office
It was the second bedroom
Supposedly my roommate's, or so our parents thought
But that's not where she slept
Only her furniture resided in here
She slept with me in the master bedroom

The room was decorated in a Native American style
Minimal furnishings—a bed, a dresser, and a bookcase
The bedframe was a double and made of black wrought iron
With a flannel comforter in a buffalo plaid of red and black
Once we held onto a hand gun for a friend, it was kept in the closet
Wolfmoon had it out once and accidentally shot her bookcase

Over time the room became a sort of catch-all
And the door stayed closed
So we wouldn't have to see the clutter
And to keep the cats out
We didn't heat it either so that helped to cut down
On the power bills during the winter

Wolfmoon's niece came to stay with us for about nine months
During her senior year of high school
Her mother had moved out of the school district
So she stayed with us and the room became hers
We thought the room was cluttered before she came
That was nothing compared to what a teenager could do

After Wolfmoon's niece graduated high school
She moved out and the room was unoccupied once again
But we tried to keep the room clean from then on
The room then became the guestroom
Aloha and Georgia stayed with us their last night in town
Before they moved out west, they slept in this room

That was about all the action the room ever saw
Until the summer and fall months of 1997
When Wolfmoon was having her affair with Wind Dancer
That's when Wind Dancer began spending some weekends
Here with us and she slept in this room
This brings me to the memories I'd like to exorcize

Memories I'd love to purge from my mind forever
They are things I’ve never really wanted to talk about
Or even admit to, but they did actually happen
In the middle of the night Wolfmoon would leave our bed
And go to Wind Dancer in the guestroom
Where they'd spend the rest of the night together

But there were stipulations as to when Wolfmoon could leave
She couldn't just go whenever she wanted
If she wanted to leave she had to take care of my needs first
Once my needs had been sated, then and only then
Could she go to be with her, then I'd roll over and go to sleep
Trying not to think about what was probably happening

In the other room behind the closed door
Some may be appalled at the compromise we came up with
But honestly, it gave us what we both wanted
I didn't want to be home alone at night
So, Wolfmoon was here at home
Instead of at Wind Dancer's apartment

And they got be alone with each other
Maybe not entirely how Wind Dancer would have liked
But still she got alone time with my wife
We lived this way for a few months
Until Wind Dancer decided she no longer wanted to share
Wolfmoon’s affections, she wanted her all to herself

Thus began the beginning of the end of our marriage
Well, honestly though the end began long before this
No amount of couple's therapy
Or Wolfmoon's promises that the affair was over
Could change things and keep us together
Wolfmoon finally moved out in July of 1998

As hard as that time was to live through
I was ashamed of the things that had happened
It took me years to even be able to tell my therapist
About what I allowed to happen in this room
But she wasn't shocked or horrified at my actions
She said I did the best I could to survive a stressful situation

And survive it I did, I've moved on and am happily remarried
Still I'd really rather not have to think about those memories
If we could afford to move we probably would
But we can't so we must live with the ghosts from the past
Which was the main reason we decided to renovate the house
To change it from how it looked when my ex lived here

Back then the whole house had a college dorm feel to it
You know, hand-me-downs and yard sale furniture
I had some of my parents' old bedroom furniture
Then at some point Wolfmoon and I bought a new bed
But when you're just starting out as a couple
You're happy to get anything you can

Now the house looks so completely different than it used to
I'm so impressed at what paint on the walls
And new furniture can do to change the atmosphere
It looks so much more mature and sophisticated
And the décor is a reflection of both Kodi and I
Sometimes we can't believe we own such nice things

The master bedroom has a Renaissance style
The bathroom is a combination that we call Asian, beach spa
And the living room has a contemporary Asian feel
While the second bedroom/old guestroom is Kodi's office
Which is finally finished being painted and furnished
And it's decorated with a contemporary Egyptian flare

So has painting this room changed how I feel about it?
I'd have to say that it most definitely has
I love being able to come in here
And walk around the desk to kiss Kodi
And not be reminded of the past
Maybe the paint has expelled some of those old demons

But still I know they'll never be completely gone
Because those memories are a part of me
And I carry them with me wherever I go
Maybe someday when Kodi and I move away from here
And into someplace new I won’t think about those nights
Those memories will just be part of my far distant past

And I think I can live with that

10.27.2008