Just A Souvenir

What with the effect of that dream
Looming ever-present in my mind
And the rapidly approaching anniversary of my father's death
And the scattering of his ashes at Mom's
My thoughts have been mostly of him lately

Right after his death it felt extremely important
For me to have some of his ashes
From the beginning I wanted to scatter them
On the property my parents used to own
That place is very special to me

But now, since some time has passed
That need has lessened to the point that
I'm not sure I want any of his ashes at all
Especially since I failed to get them on my first try
I was overwhelmed at the prospect of actually touching them

Then the other day I thought of the small piece of birch bark
I picked up at my sister-in-law's after the ritual last fall
I wonder if maybe I already have a piece of my father
That it could be a nice substitute for his ashes
And maybe I don't need some of them now

I have a very clear memory of the day I picked up that piece of bark
The location my sister-in-law chose for the ritual
Was down a hill in the backyard at their southern property boundary
We carried down chairs and a table and other items for the altar
In attendance there was Kodi, her sister, and myself

After the ritual was over, it was sort of odd
We'd walked back up the hill towards the house
And agreed we'd bring up the rest of the stuff later
Then we sort of went our separate ways for a bit
Kodi's sister went to take a nap, while Kodi got on her laptop

I stayed outside and sat on the picnic table in the backyard
Just thinking and staring off into space
Then after a while I decided to bring up the stuff from the ritual
I had to make several trips up and down the hill
As I walked I kept passing this small piece of birch tree bark

Every time I'd pass it, I'd look at it
It was as if my eyes were somehow drawn to it
As I walked I wondered why it had totally captured my attention
On my last trip up the hill I picked it up and put it in my pocket
Thinking it was a souvenir of my first Samhain ritual

But the piece of bark also reminded me of my father
Well, of something he used to say whenever I'd ask him
About scrapes on the back of the hands or arms
Which was, "It's nothing, just knocked some bark off the old tree"
So, maybe the piece of bark I picked up is more than just a souvenir

Perhaps it's a piece of my dad as well

3.5.08