The Things You Say

You've said things to me
That no one else has ever said before
Important things about God
And how you imagine God feels about me
Or maybe others have said the same things
And I just couldn’t hear it until now

Even though the roots of past beliefs ran deep
It was your words that made it
Past all of my defenses
You got through to me
And I heard you, loud and clear
Your words had an effect on me
They touched my heart deeply
I'm not the same as I once was
Right now, I may not be all that sure
Of what my beliefs are
But I think they'll come in time
And I'm content with that
Because at least I no longer believe
The lies I was taught as a child
And I am open to new ideas
Instead of being so closed-minded
When it comes to religion

And then you say things like
"I went fire walking this weekend"
Which intrigued me to no end
And piqued my curiosity
More than anything else
Anyone has ever said to me
And it makes me jealous as hell
Wishing to be there with you
To experience life as you do

And then you say things like
"I met someone there and
Her energy was similar to yours"
I don't know what that's supposed to mean
Is that a good thing or is it bad
So I ask but your answer is vague
Then I figure that maybe
It wasn't even a fair question to ask
And you might not have the words
That it takes to explain it to me
It must be just a feeling
Still I'm left wondering
What my energy is like
And just what it is you see
And feel when you’re around me

So I'm sitting here at my computer writing this
When I should be in bed asleep
Because it's getting even later
Well past midnight and pushing one a.m.
And I have to be up early to go to work
But how can I sleep with all this stuff
Running around in my head
Wondering about all the words that you've said
And why I feel so drawn to you
Is it who you are or is it your energy
That pulls me towards you
Or are they one and the same
Can you tell me if you know
Because I certainly don't have a clue

I spent the next few days lost in thoughts
Of moving and my options for retirement
Never before have I felt the pull
As strongly as I do right now
In my heart I feel I'm ready
And so very willing to move north
To be close to my new family
I want to be near people
Who truly love me for who I am
Not for who they want me to be
Unfortunately finances are a major concern
So I feel the need to stay
And work the 13 years until
I have my 30 in and can retire from here
By then I'll be sixty
But this is not where my heart
Nor my adventurous spirit longs to be

So I'm torn between what my head knows
Is the logical thing to do
What would be best for my financial future
And what's best for Kodi and I
But the heart wants what the heart wants
And what my heart really wants
Is to be in a loving nurturing environment
Close to those who genuinely love me

11.6.06