Mother's Day

Once upon a time
In a poem I wrote years ago
I thanked you for many things
I thanked you for giving me life
I even wrote that because of you
"I know what love is
I am able to give love
And receive it as well"
At the time I wrote those things
I did believe they were true
But now almost ten years later
I can no longer say that is how I feel

Honestly I'm not sure how
I learned what love is
But I do know
I didn't learn it from you
While I do believe
You and my father love each other
I also believe
You have no idea what love is
I mean what love really is

Love is unconditional
It is not contingent upon anything
It is freely given, demanding nothing in return

But that isn't what I grew up believing
You told me you loved me
But how can I believe you love me
For me
And not who you expect me to be
When your love has always been dependent on
Me believing in everything you do
Believing in the same religion
Believing in the same God
Loving what God loves
Hating what He hates

And you taught me that God
Hates homosexuals
So to hate what God hates
You taught me to hate myself

Thanks, Mom

5.14.06

CMT

Author's Notes

This one was written to my mother on Mother's Day, so I thought the title was fitting.

I'd felt the urge to write for a few months when I finally wrote this poem. I just wasn't sure how to say what I wanted to say without seeming to be cruel and without causing any pain. I know that words can hurt. They can cut you to shreds in a matter of seconds. But these words aren't meant to cause pain, though I'm positive they will if my mother ever reads them. My intent is to tell the truth or more accurately to tell my truth. To speak of my own pain in order to help heal the wounds of the past and try to make me whole.