The Love of a Master

I know that you love me
I feel it all the time
In a variety of ways
But the other night I felt it on
A completely different level
A realization dawned
And it became crystal clear to me
The love of a master
For her slave

For a couple of years now
I've been struggling
To make a decision
About whether or not
To have my nipples pierced
I think it has to be one
Of the sexiest damn things
And it's a turn on for us both
It's a gift I've wanted to give you

But still, I haven't done it yet
It's fear that's held me back
I'm not necessarily
Afraid of the pain
I find certain levels arousing
Nevertheless, I am scared
Of the loss of sensitivity
In my very responsive nipples

And I'm terrified that
My body might reject
The foreign objects in my skin
And the wounds
Wouldn't heal properly
Leaving ugly scars
On my otherwise
Perfectly beautiful
Large breasts

Then the other night
I brought up the topic again
Telling you that I'd been thinking
About doing it for real this time
We discussed the possibility
Your fears were exactly
The same as mine
Then finally you stated
The risks just aren't worth it

And with that said I knew
You'd made up your mind
The discussion was over
As master in our relationship
You hold the trump card
My opinions are taken into account
But you make the final decision
And that decision was no
My nipples would not be pierced

From across the room
I just watched you
For a few minutes
As your attention refocused
On whatever you were doing
On the computer
Then I went back to playing
A game of solitaire
On the other computer

That's when the realization hit me
You were exercising your right
As master over my body
And I found that I wasn't
At all unhappy with your decision
In fact, I was extremely relieved
Gone was the anxiety I'd felt
Every time I'd tried to make
That decision for myself

I also felt quite a few
Other emotions as well
I felt very loved and cared for
I didn't feel denied in any way
I felt that your decision
Was in my best interests
That you were looking out for me
In that moment, I knew...
With tears in my eyes, I knew...

That you truly did love me
And that I could trust you
I mean completely trust you
With all of me, my heart
My mind, my body, my soul
And I knew, I finally got it
I finally understood
The love of a master
For her slave

04.22.05

CMT

Author's Notes

Kodi and I had discussed the possibility of me getting my nipples pierced for several years before we had the conversation mentioned in this poem. We always went back and forth between the lure of the fantasy of how much we both would enjoy the visual and Kodi torturing me with the nipple rings, versus all the potential risks involved with the reality of doing it.

A few years ago, I got the upper cartilage of my right ear pierced. The piercing itself went just fine, but afterwards, I ended up with multiple infections that didn't allow the hole to heal for about a year (or if they weren't infections, then my body was trying to reject the earring). And Kodi had a piercing that went wrong when she was a teenager, in which her body pushed the stud earring out of the lobe, so that it split the skin.

Neither of us wanted me to go through what I did with the infections in my ear with my nipples, since they would be much more difficult to care for. I was also more than a little afraid that my body would reject the piercings and attempt to push the rings out, thereby splitting my nipples or scarring me as I'd seen on a few Web sites that showed piercings gone wrong. But I still really wanted to do it, both for myself and also to please Kodi.

But then Kodi made her final decision and I knew that was the end of it. I was a little disappointed, but I was also very relieved. I didn't have to worry about it anymore.

I think what surprised me the most about this was how I felt about Kodi’s final decision. I was blown away by the feeling of her love for me. I guess that might sound a little crazy, because we’d been together for five years and we even got married last year, so of course I should know that Kodi loves me. And I do. But I believe I was struck more by the concept that Kodi as my master actually loved me as her slave.

Many years before Kodi and I ever got together I used to read a lot of BDSM fiction. And in some of those stories the master obviously didn’t love their slave. The slaves weren’t treated as prize possessions. Instead they were beaten and abused all for the pleasure of the master. To me there was no love in that relationship what so ever. And I know those were just fictional stories, but I think I was still very affected by them.

I suppose I was under the impression that our relationship was spilt into two separate aspects, our love life and our sex life where we practiced BDSM. I believe this was the moment where those two aspects coalesced into one to become just our relationship.