Oh, my god, I can't believe I just did that
I never saw you there, kid, I'm really sorry
I never meant for that to happen
The same thing happened
To me when I was little
I never meant to do that to anyone else
Now four decades later
I've gone and done it
Blown a child's mind
Changed her reality forever
Exposed her to something
That just a few minutes ago was totally
Out of the realm of possibility for her
But now she's seen it
What's done is done
And can never be undone
When it happened to me
I was young, innocent and impressionable
I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6
I remember being in the car
With my family, I was in the back seat
My dad had to stop for a red light
I was looking out the window
At the car beside us
Three teenage girls sat in the front
I was just looking at them
Then the two passengers
Looked at me, then back at each other
When all of a sudden they started kissing
I mean really going at it
Tongues and everything
That was the very first time
That I'd ever seen two girls kiss
And now I am an adult
With a girlfriend and car of my own
We are going shopping
I have just parked the car
But before we get out
I lean over towards her
And we share a kiss
It's not a particularity long one
Nor is it full of passion
But it is intimate nevertheless
After we get out of the car
I glance over to my left
At the cars parked facing towards mine
That's when I see her
A child, about 6 or 7
Sitting in a Volkswagen beetle
With her mother
She never takes her eyes off of us
Even as her mother
Backs their car out of its space
Hand in hand we walk behind their car
And the child has turned
Completely around in her seat
And continues staring at us
I am stunned by the look
On her face as she tries to process
What she has witnessed
Two women kissing
I have this sinking feeling in my chest
That history has just repeated itself
Only now I am the perpetrator
I have inadvertently committed
The very same transgression
On the innocence of this child
I have done to another
What was done to me
So many years ago
As we walked on into the store
I realize I had been just as intrigued
With watching the child
As she had been with watching us
Then it hits me just why
I was looking into a mirror
At an image of my six-year-old self
For I too must have had that same look
Of shock and confusion on my face
When I saw two girls kiss
For the first time
10.15.04
Earlier this week, my friend Georgia called me at work. We made plans to get together in a few weeks. Then she told me that she had recently written a poem, and asked if I'd like to hear it. Before her mother's death, Georgia used to write all the time. Well, maybe not all the time, but she definitely used to write more than she has in the past four years. So, of course, I said yes. I was very happy to hear she'd found something to inspire her again. Before she read the poem, she told me she knew I would like this poem. It was happy and light, not the dark and serious poems she used to write back when she was trying to survive her breakup with Aloha. During that time, Georgia wrote literally hundreds of poems to, or about, Aloha. Although I haven't read them all personally, Georgia would occasionally share some of them with me. I wrote Your Words after a phone call from her.
After taking a few minutes to turn on her computer, Georgia read the poem to me. And she was right, I did like it. She'd been watching pin oak leaves fall from the trees in her yard. They are long thin leaves that sort of roll in the wind. It reminded her of how children wrap their arms around themselves to roll down a hill. It was a very cute poem and made me smile.
I thanked her for sharing it with me and told her that I'd also written a new poem. And I thought she'd like it as well because it was about a couple of old gals. You see, in the past, Georgia has referred to herself as an old gal (she is in her sixties). At the time, I didn't have a copy of the poem with me at work, so I sent it to her in an email later.
Little did I realize at the time, when I wrote the poem and author's notes for "Hope For The Future" that I had already become an inspiration to future generations of lesbians.
I bet you're wondering just why I have told you all this and what it has to do with the poem. Well, it was this exact chain of events that triggered the memory for this poem. The actual event described in the poem took place a few months ago, which I had totally forgotten about until now.
Kodi and I had gone to Sam's Club for a few things. I parked the car, turned off the engine, and leaned over to kiss Kodi before getting out. We don't do this every single time, but we do kiss in the car quite frequently. But unbeknownst to me, we had an audience. Normally, that doesn't bother me, but this time was different; this time it was a kid. And not just any kid. It was a little girl, who was about the same age I was when I saw two girls kiss for the first time. When it happened, I remember feeling horrified that I had caused this child to lose a little bit of her innocence. Even though that happens to all of us sooner or later, I don't mean to be the one to show this child there are other options waiting for her out there in the world. She doesn't have to wait for her Prince Charming to come along. She can go find a Princess of her very own to fall in love with and live happily ever after.
Now, I'm left wondering just what is it with me and women kissing in cars?
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