In your wake

In the next few months
The department will undergo renovations
But before that can happen
I must first clean out my office
There are files I haven't used or looked at
Since you left

That was back in April of 1997
You had been here for a long time
Back then my office was just down the hall
Your office was special to me
It was my refuge
It was where you were
A place where I could go
To see you and your smile
And know that I was loved
I never thought you'd
Ever be the one to leave
But you were and you did

Three months later
I took your position
I moved into your office
And what was once yours became mine
I even got your old phone number

At the time
I thought I had claimed the space as my own
I put photos on the walls
Added a corner table
With some knickknacks
But that was all just superficial

You might have vacated this office
But you left behind so much
There was never room for me

Four large drawers full of information you'd collected
In your twenty years with the city
And the way you made maps way back when
Isn't how I make them now
Most of my work is done using a computer
So I've never really had to use
The rulers, the scales
The pens, the pencils
And all the graphics
That you once did

Now as I purge the filing cabinets
I wonder why I never took the time
To do this before
Was it because of some misguided sense of loyalty
Out of respect for all the years you were here
Or was it that I just didn't want to deal
With the past I knew was still lurking
In all these drawers
Either way the job has to be done now

I can't believe how much stuff
I've actually thrown out
Three small toters full

It's only now
As I finally start to file away
My own stuff in these drawers
Things that I've never known what to do with
That I realize
I never claimed this space
I never made it my own
I've spent these last seven years in your wake

But that's all about to change
This office will soon get new carpet
A fresh coat of paint and new furniture
And it may have been a long time coming
But I've finally got a new attitude
This is my office
I'll chart my own course from now on, thank you
I'm no longer content to just follow
In your wake

6.4.04