Feel The Love
Yesterday was an interesting day
You had to have an endoscopy
To see what was happening in your stomach
You were a little nervous beforehand
But afterwards once you finally woke up
You were doing just fine
Enjoying the nice buzz that the meds provided
And the fact that your anxiety levels
Were so much lower than normal
As you lay in that hospital bed
You could feel your emotions
And how much you love me
Then you became quite affectionate
Thanking me for loving you
And asking me for kisses, lots of kisses
I was completely surprised by your behavior
For once I was the one who panicked
And felt the urge to run
To get away from the intensity
I was overwhelmed by how much love
I felt coming from you
And by the fact that we were kissing in public
Then between kisses you asked
If you were freaking me out
Which I admitted you were
Then you said that you don't always get to feel
How much you love me
So you wanted to take advantage of it
And enjoy every minute
That helped to calm me down
Relieve the panic I felt
And allowed me to relax
To enjoy the rest of the day with you
Since we both could feel the love
12.16.03
Author's Notes
Because of Kodi's past abuse, she rarely feels any emotions, like love. Normally, she just feels scared all the time; not much else gets through. She can't feel that I love her or that she loves me. She has to go on faith that both those facts are true from the few times she's felt it in the past. She was heavily medicated as a teenager, but since then, she has refused to take any because they kept her from feeling her emotions, which is the opposite of what she needs.
Now as for me, I've become used to Kodi only being able to feel her love for me occasionally. I don't think I ever felt her love as intensely as I did that day, and it scared me to actually feel how much she does love me. Now, it's not as bad as it may sound. I know that she loves me, and I can feel how much I love her. I just don't usually have it reflected back at me so much. I guess I'd just gotten used to feeling her love in small amounts. Then the dam broke, and I was flooded with her love, and I panicked from the force of it, afraid that I might drown.
So, after the endoscopy, she woke up and could actually feel her emotions, instead of the extremely high levels of anxiety that she usually feels. That has caused Kodi to change her mind about taking medication for her anxiety. This is a huge step for her, and for us. Hopefully, in the near future, we'll both be feeling all the love we have for each other.
