Author's Notes

Even before we'd signed the divorce papers, I'd been trying to decide what to do with Wolfmoon's wedding rings. I kept seeing images of myself at the beach, either digging a deep hole in the sand and burying them, or standing at the end of a pier and throwing them into the ocean. Since Kodi and I are planning a trip to the Outer Banks for a few days around the beginning of August to visit with her relatives when they come down, I'd thought about getting rid of the rings at that time.

Then one night last week, a few of the lines from this poem started running through my head about the rings, so I jotted them down, and as I did, I began to wonder if I could even wait until August. It felt more urgent, like something I needed to do now. I didn't really want to wait. So, I talked to Kodi about how I was feeling, and she suggested that maybe we could take a drive down to the beach sooner.

Since Kodi and I began living together, she has wanted me to take her to what she calls "my beach" - Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. She's heard me talk so much about it that she just wanted to see it for herself. But we haven't been able to get there for one reason or another; something comes up and we end up cancelling the trip. After this happened a few times, Kodi asked me if there was some reason that I didn't want to take her to the beach. At first I said no, but once I gave it more thought, I realized that maybe there was something holding me back.

Not only was it the beach that my parents used to take my brothers and me to when we were kids, but it's also the same beach where Wolfmoon and I would go to get away. And after we met Georgia and Aloha, that's where the four of us hung out a lot. So, yeah, there are a lot of memories for me that involve that beach. The good times I had there will never happen again with those same people, so I can understand why I haven't been in a hurry to go back there. But then again, because of all the time that Wolfmoon and I spent there, I realized it just might be the perfect resting place for her rings.

So, on Saturday afternoon, Kodi and I finally made it down to Myrtle Beach. It took us about three and half hours to get there. We grabbed a bite to eat, walked on the beach, saw a few of the sights, and checked out one of my favorite southwest shops. Then, once the sun had finally set, I knew it was time to go find a pier.

I drove towards the south end where I remembered there used to be a pier. I figured that it might be less crowded than the pier right in the heart of the beach. As I looked for a place to park the car, I noticed how much this end of the beach had changed since Wolfmoon and I were last here. There were several new hotels, and the public access parking lot was no longer there. But I did finally find a place to park between two hotels.

Kodi and I walked out on the beach, and sure enough, the pier was still there. As we walked towards it, I reached into the pocket of my shorts and pulled out the small black velvet drawstring bag containing Wolfmoon's rings. I tied the two ends together so they wouldn't come undone anytime soon. I had decided to put the rings in the bag because I really didn't want a fish thinking the rings might be food.

Once Kodi and I were out on the end of the pier, there were more people than I would have liked, but we did find a section vacant of fishermen. I took out the bag and held it in my hand, and then leaned into the rail, letting my hands dangle over the edge. Kodi leaned into me and asked if I had any words to say, and I told her that I did. As I said them, I slowly opened my hand and just let the bag fall into the water. Once I heard it hit the surface, I told Kodi that the rings were gone.

Although my original idea had been to throw the rings, once I was there, I decided I didn't feel like drawing that much attention to what I was doing. And just quietly letting them drop into the ocean seemed more fitting to me, anyway. And even though Kodi was standing right next to me, she didn't hear the splash or even realize that I had let them go until I told her.

Afterwards, we waited a few minutes, and then walked back to the shops at the other end of the pier, where we got ice cream and water to celebrate. I asked one of the shop owners how deep the water was at the end of the pier, and he said 21 feet at high tide and 15.8 feet at low tide, and high tide had been a few hours ago. So, the tide was going out, which was what I had wanted because it meant that the rings would be pulled out into the ocean, instead of being pushed closer to the shore with the incoming tide.

As Kodi and I headed back up the beach to the car, I remembered all the times that Wolfmoon and I had been here on this part of the beach. I even recognized the hotel where we used to stay. I felt good; this was the right place for her rings. And relieved; one less thing I have to worry about. And now, as I write these notes, I also feel free, free to focus solely on my wedding to Kodi, without the distraction of my past to get in the way.

Looking back, I realize out of all the things that happened at the end of my marriage to Wolfmoon, the simple act of being handed back her rings had to be the most devastating. That hurt me more than anything else, and I'm only now, years later, able to admit how much it did really hurt me. I no longer have my wedding rings either. I think it was about a month later that I decided to give them back to Wolfmoon in hopes that she might also know how it felt.

Kodi and I are planning to have custom rings made, and I am totally happy with not having them engraved. I also told her the other night that if we ever break up to please don't ever give me that ring back. I just don't think I could go through that again. She promised she wouldn't. And I didn't really think it would be a problem anyway because we both love the design of the rings so much that I could still see us wearing them regardless.

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