How Does It Feel?

So how does it feel
How do I feel now
Now that the signing is over

I feel...

The release of old responsibilities
I don't have to take care of her
Or protect her from harm
I don't have to worry about her
Nor do I have to make her happy
She is no longer my responsibility

Sad for the ending of the marriage
That she isn't my responsibility anymore
I made promises to her that I broke
All that was once shared is gone now
Everything I once knew has changed
We'll never again do any of the things we used to do
All the trips and vacations taken and
All the fun that was had
All the time spent together is gone
None of that will ever come again
I do still love and care about her
And my view of love has changed
It's much more realistic now
No fairytale or happily ever after

The fear of being alone
Because I no longer have
Her to rely on
Or the relationship to fall back on
It may have been very codependent
But it was familiar
And there was comfort in that
It was always my safety net
My security blanket

Now it's just me, all alone
But I am not alone, not really
For I have myself
I also have Kodi

I am very proud of myself
Because I did this for me
Regardless of the pain it caused
I felt it and didn't push it away

I also feel I've lightened my load some
By releasing the past
To make room for the future
For Kodi and me
And our future together

6.14.03