Still Affected By You

I feel as though there are still some things I'd like to say
Things the dinner and the poem brought up
So I hope you don't mind if I say them now

I'm glad we took the time to go out to dinner and talk
It made me feel a lot better about all this
Mainly that you're doing just fine on your own
No matter what I may have previously thought
I no longer need to worry about how you're doing
I also wanted to say that I've never been prouder of you
For your decision to take care of yourself by losing weight
It was all you and had nothing to do with me, or with us
We were joined at the hip and not individuals at all
Oh how very codependent our relationship was
It's a relief to know that we both are now
Struggling to find and to get to know ourselves

Reading your poem definitely affected me
I was reminded of how much I once loved you
As I read each line, I remembered and I felt it
In the years that we've been separated
I tried to come to terms with the codependency
I believe I tried to convince myself
That I didn't love you
All those years were for nothing
That our relationship was just codependent
But that was just my self-defenses talking
That was just a lie I told myself
Simply a way to not feel the pain
I cannot deny the truth, I did love you
It may not have been the healthiest love
But it was all that I knew
I gave you all that I had to give
All those years weren't for nothing
They've gotten me where I am today
For without them, well, I sure wouldn't be here

I also felt how sad I am that this is
The ending of our marriage
It wasn't all good, but it wasn't all bad either
I do still care very much about you
With such a long history between us
That probably won't ever change

6.5.03