Through Different Eyes

Surprised to find myself here again
With a stick, poking around
In the ashes of my past
Looking at these old memories
Through different eyes
Through the distance of the years
And from the vantage point
Of who I am today

To find regret
I've said before I have no regrets
But now I feel that I do
For the way things happened
For the pain it caused
To everyone involved
Wishing some things never happened
Hoping that might lessen the pain

But then I take a step back
And look at that line of thought
Then realize I can't change the past
I can't make it better
The past is simply the past
I did the best I could
With the knowledge
And skills I had at the time

It's because of my past
Those events that happened
The situations I survived
That I may regret and would like to change
That have shaped and molded me
Into the person I am now
For without them
I would not be where I am today

And that...
I would not change

4.7.02

CMT

Author's Notes

After writing "Tell The Truth," I decided I needed to talk to my therapist to help sort through all the realizations I'd recently come to. During that session, I had used the imagery of myself poking through ashes with a stick. I knew that the stick symbolized distance, that I had taken a step back and was able to see my past more clearly now.

We also discussed my desire to change the past, that I wished I had not done certain things. But then she reminded me of something that I knew all along. And that was, if I had not done the things I did, I would not be where I am today. By living through those events, I became the person I am now. So, I realized that even if I could change the past, I wouldn't, because I am quite happy with where my life is at now.