More than I can say

Good morning, Darling
I have something I want to say
something for which
I want to apologize
you may not think it's worth
an apology, but I do

I am sorry that sometimes
I can't say the things I need to

like last night
you were sitting there
talking about something
when you looked up at me

I'm not sure if it was the lighting
or the way your hair
fell around your shoulders
or the expression on your face
the way you smiled at me
or even the look in your eyes
or the sound of your laughter
but the image caught me by surprise
took my breath away and
rendered me mute

my immediate thought was
"god, you're beautiful"

in that moment, the emotions
were so intense, so overwhelming
I wanted to tell you
but I could not
I had no voice
I could not speak

a few minutes later
you stood and came to me
all I could do was hold you
and kiss you and say "I love you"
for some reason I couldn't
say "you're beautiful"
even if I did think it
and I most definitely felt it

and then, there was this morning
I was getting dressed for work
when I looked over at you

you had just rolled over
onto your back and raised
both of your arms above your head
this exposed your naked body
from beneath the blankets

I stood there, looking at you
enchanted by the vision of
you sound asleep in the early
morning light of our bedroom
your face turned slightly away from me
the line of your arms
on either side of your head
the round, fullness of your breasts
the nipples raised slightly
from the coolness of the room

turning to walk away, I thought
"my god, she is beautiful"

when I returned to say my good-byes
you had covered your breasts
your left arm still lay on your pillow
your right arm lay on top
of the blankets, down by your side
and your head was still turned to the left

I sat down on the bed
leaned over and kissed your shoulder
you turned towards me
opened your sleepy eyes
and with just a hint of a smile
softly said "hey"
and again I was struck dumb
by the moment

you were all soft and pink
and warm and sleepy
I couldn't do anything but smile
and lean in farther to kiss your lips
finally I was able to speak
"I love you" was all
I was able to get out

I'm telling you this now
because I need you to know
that sometimes my "I love you's"
mean so much more than I can say

1.29.01