The Dam

Ironic this choice of a dam
In my search to photograph my emotions
I found an image of myself
Staring back at me

For I am a dam
Through the years I built my stone wall
Built it high, built it strong
To keep intruders out, to protect myself

I never realized
By keeping things out
I was also keeping things in
I had dammed up my emotions

Where they stay
Until pressure causes them to rise
When they rise high enough
Sheer force leads them to spill over the dam

I can feel it when they start to rise
I make a futile attempt to hold them back
But I have no control, anymore than the dam
Can stop the rising water from spilling over its stone wall

How much easier would it be
If I were a river flowing free
Never having to be on guard
Or trying to hold anything back

3.4.97

CMT

Author's Notes

My therapist gave me an assignment: I had two weeks to photograph five emotions. I went to a place that I loved, which I hadn't been to in a long time. As I walked around taking pictures of the dam, I felt several different emotions. Little did I realize at the time that those emotions would cause me to write, but they did. During the next week at work, the words just started to flow. I wrote three poems from that trip to the dam, this one and the next, called Sad. This poem is one of my favorites. And my therapist was very pleased as well.