You ask

You ask
"Why are you here?"
"What do you want?"

I cannot answer you
My body floods with emotions
I feel the doors slam shut
And I retreat inside myself

Not until some time later
Do I even recognize
What I am feeling
Anger - I am surprised

Am I angry at you or at me

Angry at you
For saying, "I have no agenda"

Angry at me
For feeling that you do have an agenda

Angry at you
Because I thought I set my goals

Angry at me
For not being able to speak
For not saying what I needed to say

Angry at you
Because you do not understand
Understand me or my goals
I'm not sure which
To me they are the same

Angry at me
For not being able to make you understand
For not taking control

Angry at me
For shutting down
For retreating and not standing my ground

Angry at me
For being angry at you
You are only trying to help
And I won't let you

My anger, my silence
Are my walls
To protect me from you
Or is it
To protect you from me

11.04.96

CMT

Author's Notes

I had been seeing a therapist. I thought maybe it would help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life and the situation that I was in. I wrote this after a particularly difficult session.