Us in June
Driving down the road
Listening to the radio
I hear a song that makes
Me think of us in June
And I smile to myself
As I sing along, I could
Almost burst into tears
I'm so happy I could explode
I want to tell everyone
But instead I tell no one
1.31.92
Author's Notes
In 1991, I had been feeling like something was missing in my relationship with Wolfmoon. For months I tried to figure out just where the feeling was coming from. My younger brother had gotten married in 1990, and we had some straight friends that were getting married. I came to the conclusion that maybe I was simply jealous, that I wanted to get married, too. So, I thought about it for a while, then finally I decided to do it. I wrote a letter proposing to Wolfmoon. And in the letter, I told her that I wanted to have the ceremony in California with our friends Georgia and Aloha.
The poem was written on a day when I was feeling especially happy about getting married. But the last lines of the poem express my sadness of not being able to share my happiness with my parents. See, at the time, neither Wolfmoon nor I was out to our families, and we had decided that we weren't going to tell them about the wedding either. I knew with my parents there would be a huge fight and I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want any bad feelings or negativity to put a damper on my wedding. We felt that this was something we wanted to do on our own, so we did.
Looking back now, I know the real reason I wanted to get married was because I believed that it would solve the problem in my relationship with Wolfmoon. And it may have distracted me from the real issues for a while. Unfortunately, the problem was still there, and it did come back, only this time with a vengeance. Sometimes, I wish we hadn't gotten married, hoping that it would lessen the guilt and failure I feel at not being able to keep my promises. But at the time, I wouldn't let anyone talk me out of it. And Georgia did actually try to. But no, I wouldn't hear of it. I have always been one to learn my lessons the hard way.
A few weeks before the wedding Georgia wrote a poem for me, basically it's about her and Aloha taking the place of my parents, well, specifically my mother at my wedding. If you're interested in reading it, I've posted her poem here and it's called The 12th of June.
