Chapter 12

Jess sat bolt upright, images from a life she'd never led still passing in front of her eyes, as she tried to make sense of her surroundings through a haze of sleep. She glanced up to see the glowing numbers of a digital clock hanging on the wall telling her it was a few minutes past six in the morning. That meant she'd barely gotten three hours of sleep...

A piercing scream inside her mind made her flinch, and she suddenly remembered what had woken her in the first place. She quickly lay back down and reached out to pull her bondmate closer. The sleeping blonde whimpered, and then wrapped her arms tightly around Jess's torso, hugging her for dear life.

"Kaylee, wake up. You're having a nightmare," Jess whispered gently.

Jess?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.

It's okay. It's almost time to get up anyway. Are you all right?

No, but having you with me makes it better.

Jess squeezed Kaylee in response and kissed the top of her head.

I love you.

Jess felt a wave of pure love wash through her entire body and did her best not to moan aloud, dimly aware that her son was sleeping only a few feet away.

"I love you, too," Kaylee whispered.

"I gathered that," the brunette replied a little breathlessly, and then sighed into their embrace. Do you want to talk about it? she questioned mentally.

In response, Kaylee sent a sequence of images to Jess. They were the same flashes she'd sent to the group the night before and which Jess had caught the tail end of from Kaylee's dream only a few moments ago. This time, though, they were devoid of emotional context, making them seem flatter to Jess somehow, as if she were watching a documentary rather than remembering a personal experience. At first, Jess was confused, but then she realized Kaylee was using their connection to share her memories directly with Jess instead of trying to put them all into words, but she was holding back the emotions to keep from upsetting either herself or Jess.

After a few moments, the images faded, and Jess could sense through their link that Kaylee was still exhausted from having forced herself to relive the traumatic events the night before. It suddenly occurred to her that dredging up those past events had been the trigger for Kaylee's nightmare.

Yes, Kaylee confirmed Jess's insight.

Is this how your people usually communicate with each other? Jess wondered idly.

Only for emotional subjects, but I believe this is how bondmates communicate for almost all subjects.

You 'believe'?

I've never been bonded before, Kaylee thought hesitantly to Jess, as though she were afraid of disappointing the woman with her lack of experience. I only know what I've seen and felt between other bondmates, and what I've been taught about my species' biology. And then there's the fact that you're human, so... It isn't an exact science.

No, I guess love never is, Jess considered, as she moved to brush her lips against Kaylee's forehead again.

Kaylee lifted her head and met Jess's lips with her own, reaffirming their physical connection, even as their emotional link carried their love back and forth between them. The simple gesture of affection quickly escalated into passionate need, and with a gentle push, Kaylee rolled Jess over and resettled herself on top of the larger woman. Her thigh naturally came to rest between Jess's legs, as she concentrated on thoroughly exploring her lover's mouth.

Jess lost herself in the passionate kiss, her hands sliding down to cup Kaylee's thinly clothed backside, as she pulled the blonde tighter against her sex. She drew her pelvis up and held Kaylee in place, as she rubbed herself against the other woman's perfectly placed thigh. Kaylee caught on quickly and angled her leg to push harder against Jess's mound, trying to bring the woman she loved greater satisfaction.

Then Jess heard the creak of Jason's cot and froze.

What's wrong? Kaylee asked, unable to figure out why Jess's mood had shifted so drastically.

I thought I heard Jason.

Kaylee sent out a feeler to the boy, but received only the simple nonsense patterns of dreams from his slumbering mind.

He's asleep, Kaylee informed her.

Jess sighed in relief and gradually relaxed her tense muscles.

Okay, I think it's time to get up.

Kaylee frowned, as Jess gently pushed her off her body and sat up. The brunette paused at the edge of the bed, using the dim illumination coming from a nightlight to look over at the small dresser where she'd stored her and Kaylee's clothing, as she tried to decide what she wanted to wear for the coming day.

I don't understand. What's wrong? Kaylee questioned again.

Jason almost caught us having sex, Jess replied, the emotional undertone of her thoughts telling Kaylee she felt that was enough of a reason.

So? You told me that once before, that children shouldn't see this, and I agree they should not participate, but Jason is asleep.

He could wake up. If we were in separate rooms, it wouldn't matter, but-

If we were in separate rooms, Jason would still be able to sense what we were doing. He already has.

Jess's head snapped up, and she stared at Kaylee in disbelief.

"What do you mean 'he already has'?" she whispered harshly, and then glanced nervously over at Jason to make sure he was still asleep.

Jason is half dokäré, Kaylee's calm explanation entered Jess's mind. Among my species, the children are telepathic from birth, and we've found it impossible, and rather absurd, to attempt to shield them from something as natural as physical love. Since Jason began tapping into his abilities, he has shared the same house with us at the farm. I sensed him sensing us several times. He was simply curious, and when he realized he was intruding, he diverted himself.

Why the hell didn't you tell me?!

Kaylee paused, as she tried to cope with the numerous roiling emotions Jess was sending to her through their link. She felt anger, fear, embarrassment, betrayal... It was almost overwhelming.

It didn't occur to me that you would mind. You seemed only to be concerned with whether Jason was harmed, and he wasn't.

I don't believe this. My son was listening to us having sex, and it didn't occur to you that was a bad thing?

But he's fine. I think he was more interested in whether we were okay than what we were actually doing the first time. Then, when he realized... I think he mostly felt embarrassed and... 'weirded out' I think was his main thought. It was only natural that he became curious afterwards, but when he realized I could sense him, he apologized and stopped. It hasn't happened since. Kaylee reached out and gently placed her hand on Jess's thigh. He truly is okay. I believe he's just beginning to learn about his sexual identity and is curious. I think after seeing how much joy we've brought to each other, he just wants to learn what... romantic love feels like.

He's only twelve. He's not supposed to want to know what romantic love feels like, Jess groused, slowly calming down, as she realized she'd overreacted a bit.

She'd caught her parents having sex one night when she was only eight, and the event had been less than traumatic. She'd mostly just been grossed out at seeing her parents naked. She supposed just about every kid in the world had caught their parents in a compromising position at least once in their lives, and the world still kept turning regardless.

I thought human children began... romantic experiments? ...at the onset of puberty, which I understand usually begins at age thirteen. That's less than a year away for Jason.

Please, don't remind me, Jess pleaded dramatically, smiling when she felt Kaylee's sense of mirth, and relief, at Jess's more relaxed demeanor.

Is everything all right, now?

Yeah. I think I need to have a talk with my son, though.

Of course, if you feel you need to, but... He hasn't done it since those first few times, and I think you might just end up... Well...

Embarrassing him and making things worse?

Yes.

Jess tried to imagine talking to Jason about him eavesdropping on her and Kaylee. The thoughts brought on mild panic, and she quickly dismissed the idea altogether. Kaylee said he was fine, and she would just trust her on this one. Besides, if Jason had a problem, she knew he would eventually come to her about it. He always did. It might be strained and awkward, but Jess had faith in her son. He knew he could trust her with anything.

All right. But if he does it again, let me know. That time is private and not for his ears. Or mind, or whatever.

He knows that. And I promise I'll tell you if he tries to listen in again, but I don't think he will. He really was embarrassed, Kaylee confided.

Serves him right, Jess thought remorselessly.

Jess...

What? He may be half-dokäré, but he was raised human, and he knows what's considered appropriate behavior and what isn't. You're right. He is old enough to know what sex is and that it is a private act.

Jess...

Don't worry. I'm not going to punish him or anything; grounding him here would be almost pointless, and I've never solved our problems by hitting him, Jess added, quickly clamping down on the emotions that thought brought up, as she caught a few snippets from Kaylee of abusive parents, the blonde having watched a few too many TV movies in the past couple weeks. She shook off the thoughts and refocused on the present matter of her son, the voyeur. But if it happens again, he's going to get a crash course in manners, emphasis on the word 'crash,' Jess vowed.

Kaylee shook her head, a small smile gracing her lips, as she realized Jess wasn't nearly as angry as she was trying to make out. The emotion just wasn't there to back up her mental words. She relaxed and leaned back, pulling Jess with her into the covers on their bed.

I thought we were supposed to be getting up? Jess questioned, even as she cuddled closer to her mate's soft, warm body.

We still have a few more minutes, Kaylee replied, as she wrapped her arms around the brunette's shoulders and hugged her close.

They relaxed for a little while longer in companionable silence, but eventually, they both realized they had to begin their day. Waking Jason wasn't nearly as hard as Jess had thought it would be. Of course, it helped that Kaylee could send a constant stream of loud and annoying thoughts to her son until he promised to get up if she would just make it stop.

After bathing in the communal shower room, which thankfully had separating curtains for the shy, they all headed to the cafeteria for breakfast. It only took a few bites for Kaylee to realize she'd been spoiled by Jess's home cooked meals. If for no other reason, Kaylee vowed to win the war against the Zaru as quickly as possible, so she could get some decent food when they returned to the farm.

"Commander. Mind if we join you?"

Kaylee looked up and saw nearly a dozen people hovering behind the speaker, as they waited for her answer. She recognized all of them as the division leaders she'd met the night before and gestured for them to sit.

"Of course not, William. Have the new rotation schedules been drawn up?" she asked, as the people who had been sitting around her and her family moved to make room for the newcomers.

"Yeah. Jimmy's already faxed copies to the other compounds, so they should be implementing them today as well. As per your orders, anyone not working on the ships, either building them or making the modifications, will rotate their training to fill several different capacities. We need pilots and medics the most, but there's also basic ship's operations; hand-to-hand combat, in case we get boarded; and target practice using the weapons specs we received from your flagship. We just have to build the guns," he finished, and then turned to one of the others to continue.

"And for the kids, though the adults are going to need this too, we're setting up a kind of school, so everyone can work on their telepathy, as well as learn about our history and specifically our language," a young dokäré woman named Angela added.

"Right. After listening to Jonaran speak with your ship, we realized the language barrier could be a real handicap, especially during a fight, so Jonaran has agreed to teach several classes every day, as well as getting some manuals printed up for the other compounds," William explained.

"Good. I don't think you'll have too much difficulty, though. Languages come fairly naturally to our species. Most of our people know several different languages from working so closely with the other slave races, and I was able to learn English in only a few days," Kaylee encouraged. "We also have an added edge, since our telepathy lets us know instinctively the meaning of most words. Have someone send some English courses to my ship anyway, though. There are enough non-dokäré among us that it could still become an issue."

The others nodded at her reasoning, visibly relaxing, as they realized the Commander was actually pretty easy to talk to. After last night, they'd all been a little wary of her.

"Well, unless there's anything else...?" Kaylee waited, but everyone shook their heads. "All right. I'm going to get Jess and Jason settled, and then I'll help you with the ship modifications," she told William, who nodded once in acceptance.

The division leaders all took that as their cue and dispersed, some heading back to their tables to finish their breakfasts, while the rest began their first work shift under the new schedule.

A short time later, Kaylee led Jason and Jess into an elevator and down to the first level of the underground training facilities. She'd been given a tour of it, along with the rest of the place, the night before, and she'd already picked out the posts she wanted her son and bondmate to prepare for.

The space and planetary aerial combat simulators weren't nearly as good as the ones Kaylee had on her flag ship, but they would do well enough. Kaylee was sure Jason would be able to work with them to design the kinds of complicated routines she wanted in order to train all the new pilots they were going to need. They had very little time, but dokäré reflexes and aptitudes for hand eye coordination were what had made the Zaru replace all their pilots with dokäré in the first place. They were a prized commodity, and Kaylee was hoping they could finally put that natural instinct to use for their own people instead of the Zaru.

A young girl, who looked to be about seventeen, stood next to one of the many wall-mounted computer stations in the simulation room. Enclosed simulators lined the opposite wall, and all of them were occupied with would-be pilots.

Kaylee led them over to the girl and introduced her to Jason.

"Jason, I'd like you to meet Mea. Mea, this is Jason." The two youngsters shook hands and Kaylee continued. "He's going to be working on some combat simulations, but I need you to get him started. Familiarize him with the setup and show him where everything is." She turned to Jason. "If you have any questions, Mea is the one you should ask. All right?"

"Lead the way," Jason gestured with his arm for Mea to go ahead of him, and they walked over to one of the consoles and sat down to begin.

"Come on. You're next," Kaylee told Jess.

They took the elevator down two more levels, walking past many rooms and turning down several hallways, before they reached the medical suite.

As soon as they walked into the room, an older woman of about forty greeted them.

"Good morning. I'm guessing this is Jess?"

Jess looked to Kaylee, who smiled.

"Yes. Jess, this is Dr. Camilla Pierce. She'll be instructing you in dokäré physiology and first aid."

"It's not nearly as scary as it sounds," Camilla tempered with a smile. "Humans and dokäré are almost identical, except for some differences in brain structure and chemistry, which you really won't need to know. Your job will mostly consist of patching up minor wounds and helping to keep the more serious injuries under control until one of our dokäré healers can take over."

"Whatever you say, Dr. Pierce," Jess exhaled, not sure at all whether she was up to the challenge of becoming a paramedic in less than a month.

"Oh, please, call me Camilla," the blonde woman requested, and Jess nodded. "Well, shall we get started? We'll probably be inundated with students as soon as everyone receives their new orders."

"If you need me, I'm just a thought away, okay?" Kaylee offered, as she felt Jess's uncertainty coming through loud and clear.

Jess took a deep breath and consciously drew on one of the relaxation techniques she'd reacquainted herself with recently. It worked, and she saw Kaylee relax, as the blonde felt her calm down.

"I'll be okay. This is all just a bit... It's just making it more real, I guess," Jess tried to explain, but then she shrugged her shoulders and sighed. I'll be fine. Go work on your ships.

Are you sure?

Yes. Like you said, you're just a thought away.

I love you.

I love you, too.

It suddenly occurred to Jess that she and Kaylee really hadn't been apart for more than a few hours since they'd first met two weeks ago. And the two times she could remember - Kaylee working with Jonaran to get her memories back, and last night while Kaylee met with her lieutenants - she'd been fairly preoccupied.

Now, though, all she could think was that she wasn't going to see the blonde again until tonight, since she'd picked up several thoughts from Kaylee indicating the woman expected to be busy for most of the day. She probably wouldn't see her bondmate until dinnertime, which seemed an interminable length of time to her. Maybe that was why she was finding it so hard to...

Kaylee suddenly moved forward, reaching up to grasp the back of Jess's neck, as she pulled her down and kissed her hungrily on the lips. Jess couldn't contain her whimper, as she felt the intense need coming from Kaylee. At the touch of the blonde's tongue, Jess opened her mouth and slid her arms around Kaylee's waist to hug the woman close. Kaylee immediately deepened the kiss, eagerly tasting Jess's tongue with her own. She went deeper still, needing to heighten the sensations that kissing Jess always aroused within her.

They broke apart, gasping for breath, and Kaylee quickly headed for the door.

"I'll see you at dinner," she tossed breathlessly over her shoulder, and then disappeared around the corner.

Jess jumped when she felt Camilla's hand come to rest on her shoulder.

"Bonded?" she asked sympathetically.

Jess just nodded, still trying to regain her breath. She felt as if her very soul had been involved in that kiss, not just her lips and tongue, which were now swollen. She ached to have Kaylee next to her again, plundering her mouth the way she had been only moments ago.

Camilla nodded in understanding.

"Goodbyes are always the worst, especially in the beginning. It's like getting all the air sucked out of your lungs, and then being gut punched. It's been almost ten years, and Mark and I still want to cry like babies when we go off to work in the mornings. At least here I know I can get to him in a few minutes if I need to," Camilla rambled. "He's one of the hand-to-hand combat instructors. That's how we met. He came into the ER with a concussion from some tournament fight he'd been in, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Imagine my surprise when I realized he could hear my thoughts. Somehow, we'd bonded at first sight. Or maybe it was first injury," the doctor joked.

Jess breathed evenly and deeply, using the time the woman spent talking to try to calm down. She inhaled slowly through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, releasing the urge she felt to go running after Kaylee with every breath.

Camilla watched the tall brunette, glad to see the woman had finally pulled herself together. She knew how hard those first separations were, but they really needed to get to work.

"Well, why don't we begin with basic first aid? Have you ever taken a CPR course?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"That should do it," Kaylee mumbled to herself, as she closed the panel in the cockpit and shut down the weapons system, before powering down.

She stood up and carefully climbed over the side, letting herself drop the short distance to the concrete floor. As she walked underneath the sleek, black spacecraft, she trailed her fingers along the smooth metal above her head.

When she'd first climbed into one of the ships to begin making the modifications she'd ordered, Kaylee had experienced a moment of panic, as memories of her crash to Earth had flooded her mind. Then she'd felt Jess loving her, the human woman instantly understanding what was wrong, as their link let her see and feel what Kaylee had been experiencing. They'd sent random thoughts to each other all day after that, needing to stay connected, even though they were several floors apart.

However, now it was time to see her bondmate in person, so she hurried to make her short legs cross the distance that much faster to where William was standing.

"All done?" the young man asked, as he looked up from his PDA.

The woman had hardly taken a break all day, and the first shift had left and been replaced by the second shift over two hours ago. He'd considered leaving with them, but he did actually have some inventory work that needed to be done, and he wanted to make a good impression on the Commander, so he'd stayed.

"Yes. Navigation and weapons are all up to spec, and as soon as the mechanics finish upgrading to the new plasma cannons, I'll be able to calibrate the sights."

"Loraine said the fabrication department should be rolling out the first cannons sometime later tonight," William informed her.

"Good. Well, I'll see you in the morning," Kaylee bade him farewell, getting a nod in return.

She headed for the elevators and rode them up to the main living levels, stopping off at her room to change clothes and take a shower before she met Jess and Jason in the cafeteria for dinner. Jess had already fixed her a tray by the time she sat down heavily at the table.

"Tired?" Jess asked sympathetically.

"Exhausted. I've been climbing in and out of ships all day. But the modifications are coming along pretty well." She took a bite to eat and glanced at Jason, who was sitting quietly, lost in thought. "How did it go with the simulators?"

Jason came back from wherever he'd been and grinned, instantly becoming the animated boy Kaylee loved so much.

"It was so cool. It's like being in a real ship. Once I figured out the controls, it was easy. Me and another kid I met named Randy are working on a killer sim for the new pilots. We're gonna give 'em the ride of their life. They won't know what hit 'em," Jason grinned even wider.

"Right, and after you've turned their hair white, I can treat them for shock," Jess added with a smirk. She turned to Kaylee. "Are you sure you want him designing the training sims for the pilots?"

"Hey!" Jason exclaimed indignantly.

"Yes. I want them pushed to their limits," Kaylee replied seriously. "Jason and the other children, who have played video games like he has, understand what the ships are capable of and can use the simulators to create scenarios that none of the adults who have grown up on this world could hope to duplicate. Since I can't allow them to actually fight, at least this way they can still make a necessary contribution." She focused on Jason. "Make the simulations as difficult as possible. Do what no one else would even consider. What you and the others come up with will most likely be the only practice our pilots are going to get. I don't want them going into battle unprepared."

Jason nodded solemnly, as he realized that even though he was having a lot of fun, their ultimate goal was dead serious.

"I won't let you down," he promised.

"Ah, Kayleeya, there you are," Jonaran announced, as he walked over to their table and sat down. "Jason, Jess," he greeted, as he nodded to each in turn. "I hear work on the ships is steadily progressing," he directed to Kaylee.

"Yes, it is. It's still too early to tell if we'll make our quota by liftoff, but I'm trying to be optimistic. But I also know I'm basically asking our people to produce twice as many ships in a single month as they've put out in a year and modify all of the existing ones and make the parts for the modifications, so I may just be asking the impossible," the blonde admitted. "William told me we should be able to start retrofitting the ships with the plasma cannons in the morning, so that's good news at least."

"Yes. I spoke with Alan this afternoon. He's coordinating the transfer of ships and ship parts, as well as personnel, between our various holdings, and he said he's ready to begin transporting parts as soon as Loraine gives him the go-ahead. And Raul's people have been working around the clock to prepare the launch sites, so that when the new ships arrive, they'll be ready for them. And Meredith informed me that work has already begun onsite on the ships we've been keeping in storage, though, like you, her people are waiting on the fabrication department so they can finish the modifications."

"How many truckloads until the compounds have what they need?"

"Too many. But we'll get it done, don't you worry," Jonaran promised. "None of us want to leave anyone behind, and I was looking forward to..." he paused, as he was suddenly reminded of the events Kaylee had shown him the night before and quickly looked away.

"What is it?" Kaylee asked, as she felt the sudden shift in Jonaran's mood.

Jonaran looked up, tears making his eyes glitter.

"I can't believe he's... gone," he whispered.

Kaylee instantly knew who he was talking about and looked down, as she fought back her own tears.

"It was senseless," Kaylee said bitterly. "He wasn't even that old."

"Who?" Jess asked, as she and her son tried to follow the conversation.

"Damek, my brother, Kayleeya's father," Jonaran supplied hollowly, as memories of times spent with his older brother reminded him of all that he'd lost to the Zaru.

"You're Kaylee's uncle?" Jess asked in surprise, and the older man nodded.

"Wait," Jason frowned in thought, trying to follow the lineage in his mind, as he regarded Kaylee. "That makes you my... my second cousin. Right?"

"Yes," she responded.

"Cool. That means you're related to me for real, not just because you're in love with my mom," Jason said, unconsciously focusing on the positive, so he wouldn't have to think about the unhappiness he could feel emanating from his grandfather and second mother. He couldn't ignore it for long, though, and after a few moments of silence, he spoke much more sedately. "I'm sorry about your dad, Mama."

"Me, too," Kaylee whispered.

You haven't told them the rest, have you?

Kaylee glanced over at Jonaran and minutely shook her head, as she looked down at the table again.

No.

Why not?

Jess watched what she was sure was a mental conversation taking place between the two blondes and frowned. She really didn't like being cut out of the conversation. If they wanted to talk privately, they could just say so.

"Something you want to share with the rest of us?"

Kaylee glanced up, fear showing clearly on her face.

"I'm sorry. I can't..." Kaylee didn't finish her sentence, as she stood up from the table and quickly walked away.

"Wait, Kaylee, what's..." Jess started to get up, but Jonaran's hand on her arm stopped her.

She glared down at his hand, barely holding back her urge to yank herself out of his grasp and deck him.

"Just... give her some time," Jonaran suggested hesitantly, as he released her arm.

"What the hell was that about?"

"I'm not sure it's my place to say," the older man began, but Jess's glare simply became more penetrating, until after several tense moments, he finally sighed in resignation and motioned for Jess to retake her seat.

Jess reluctantly sat again, and then waited for Jonaran to explain himself.

"Marinna, my brother's wife... Her family line was bred for generations to create the keenest military mind our species could produce. There were others, but they didn't show the kind of results Marinna's line did. Damek was chosen because his genes would enhance Marinna's genes considerably. I would have been next in line, but... I was already bonded by then, which is sacred among my people and cannot be broken for any reason. Then of course, Belilah, my wife, brought the news about Earth, and..." Jonaran swallowed past the lump in his throat, as he thought about his deceased wife. "After she... After she died, I left. Of course, Marinna wasn't yet forty years old, so I never had the joy of meeting my niece until that day at your home."

Jess nodded, as she remembered the short biology lesson she'd received from Camilla earlier that day. She'd learned that dokäré females didn't become fertile until their fortieth year. That had been another reason the Zaru had been able to decimate their species so easily. When they'd wiped out ninety percent of their population, they'd killed most of their elders, which had left only infertile females. Though males were fertile from birth, there hadn't been any women old enough to impregnate. It had acted like a built in population control, of which the Zaru had taken full advantage.

"Okay. But I'm still not getting why Kaylee is so upset. So her birth was planned. What's the big deal?"

Jonaran suddenly looked uncomfortable, but another look from Jess forced him to continue.

"As I said before, there were others. From helping Kaylee reclaim her memories, I've learned that there were in fact six others who were of age just like her, all bred to become commander."

Jonaran paused, as he tried to order his thoughts. Kaylee's memories had been a jumbled mess at first, and it had taken some time to sort through them all. Somehow, he had missed the images of his brother's death at the hands of the Zaru, probably because they were several years old, but the events surrounding Kaylee's rise to power were crystal clear, having taken place only a month or so prior. He glanced up, thankful that Jess had stopped glowering at him and was waiting somewhat patiently, while Jason had never taken his eyes off him the entire time. He took a deep breath and went on.

"After the Basada Massacre, the elders gathered the seven candidates together and sent them each on a different mission. They weren't told their performances would determine who was chosen to lead our people against the Zaru. Two of the potential commanders never returned; it's believed they were killed on their missions. The other four returned, having completed their missions, and brought back information and weapons to aid the cause. Kaylee, however, returned with a fleet of ships and thousands of pilots to fly them."

Jess's eyes widened in astonishment, and it took her a moment to find her voice.

"How?"

"Instead of merely blowing up the military base she'd been sent to destroy, she sabotaged the planetary reactor. Kaylee then told the dokäré slave pilots about the Massacre and convinced them to join her. In the chaos, thousands of dokäré slaves were able to board the rebel ships, while the Zaru attempted to evacuate the planet. When the planet blew, her fleet was clear, but millions of Zaru were killed, and the system was rendered uninhabitable. Upon her return, the elders immediately gave her the title of Commander, and the other four became her sub-Commanders." Jonaran sighed. "Kaylee is a hero to our people, but it's difficult for her to see that with the deaths of so many on her hands."

Jess slumped back in her chair, completely at a loss.

"Damn," Jess whispered to herself, as she tried to imagine carrying around that kind of burden. "No wonder she didn't want to talk about it."

"Mom?"

Jess looked at her son and automatically pulled him into a hug.

"Go to her, Mom. She really needs you," Jason told her sincerely.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. A little, uh... I don't know, but I'll be okay. She won't."

Jess kissed him on the forehead, and then relinquished her hold on him, as she stood up.

"Excuse me," she said absently, and then headed off in the direction she'd seen Kaylee go.

It didn't take her long to find the woman. Her bond was like an unerring compass, leading her right to the love of her life.

Jess pushed open the side door and stepped out into the walled in courtyard, immediately inhaling the fresh cold February air. It felt good after the past day and a half spent underground breathing recycled air, but she still wished she'd brought a jacket with her. Then she saw Kaylee standing a few dozen feet away, her back towards her and her arms clasped around her chest, and forgot about being cold, as she walked over to the blonde woman.

"I didn't want you to know. He shouldn't have told you," Kaylee spoke before Jess could, her voice sounding harsh in the crisp evening air.

"I asked him to. I didn't really give him a choice," Jess replied, and then paused, as she tried to think of something to say.

She knew she had to say something about what Kaylee had done, but she had no idea what the right words were. She could feel the woman's anger pouring off her in waves, as it washed over and through her, making her stomach churn nauseously, but there was something beneath it, something more real than the anger covering it, and Jess latched onto that, as she spoke from her heart.

"I'm... I'm sorry you had to do those things, that you've had to-"

"Be so ruthless?" Jess could hear the bitter humor in the short woman's voice and flinched. "I was bred to be ruthless; didn't he tell you that part, too? And I will be. I'll do anything I have to in order to save my people," she vowed menacingly.

But please don't hate me for it! I couldn't live if you hated me!

Jess's eyes widened, as the thoughts crashed into her mind. She watched Kaylee's shoulders begin to shake and quickly moved forward to wrap her arms around her bondmate, finally understanding Kaylee's anger for what it was: a shield against her fear.

"Oh God, Kaylee, no! I love you. I love you so much I can't even..."

Jess stopped trying to put it into words and just sent all her feelings of love to the woman in her arms, as she buried her face in Kaylee's shoulder and held her tight. The blonde's soft hair comforted Jess's cheek, and she squeezed Kaylee even tighter, positive she was probably squishing the poor woman, but absolutely unable to let go.

I'll never let you go.

"I love you, Kaylee. And you're not ruthless." Jess could feel Kaylee rallying to protest, but she didn't give her the chance. "You've had to be ruthless against the Zaru, but you are not ruthless. You couldn't love me the way you do if you were."

Jess relaxed her hold slightly, as she felt Kaylee begin to calm down and accept her love. She sighed heavily, just breathing in the scent that her body understood as simply 'Kaylee.'

"I don't care how you came to be or what you've had to do to save your people," Jess said quietly into Kaylee's ear. "I'm just glad you're here and alive and well, and I'll do my best to keep you that way."

No matter what.

Kaylee finally turned around in Jess's embrace, her own arms automatically unfolding to settle around Jess's waist, as she looked up into the tall woman's blue eyes. They were watery, and a few tears managed to find their way down her cheeks, but the only thing Kaylee saw was Jess's love. She pressed up onto the tips of her toes and kissed Jess softly on the lips, holding the contact for several heartbeats.

Thank you. Thank you for loving me, Kaylee thought, before she dropped back down to her heels again.

She turned her head to the side and rested her cheek against Jess's chest, as she hugged the woman to her body.

I do. I love you so much, Kaylee. Please don't ever doubt me.

I won't, Kaylee replied, as she raised her head again to look at Jess.

"And I didn't. I was just so... scared. No one in my species' history has been responsible for so much death, and I didn't know... I was terrified of what you would think of me, of how you would react... Of how you will react if I have to do it again. The Zaru outnumber us millions to one. The only advantages we have are our technology and their loss of skilled pilots, since they relied so heavily on my people to fill that position. I'm hoping to increase our numbers by taking less protected worlds and liberating our people, maybe even getting the other slaves to join us, but-"

"You won't be taking prisoners. I understand."

"Do you? There were children on that world, Jess. There were Zaru who had never owned a slave in their life, either because they couldn't afford it or because they didn't think it was right. They're not all evil, but I don't have the luxury of trying to figure out who's who, so I'm going to have to kill all of them until I've either completely destroyed them or they surrender and leave our part of the galaxy. And most of my people will cheer me on and hail me as a hero," Kaylee said dejectedly.

I never wanted this.

"I know, but... I think maybe that's why you're the best person to do it, why you have to be the one to do it... Because you don't want to," Jess declared quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Killing the Zaru isn't a goal for you; it's the means to an end. You just want to free your people. I think if there was another way, you'd try it. It's why I know you're not a bad person for having done the things you have," Jess explained, as she slid her hands up to cup Kaylee's cheeks and gazed compassionately into her eyes. "You grieve for their deaths."

Kaylee nodded slightly and closed her eyes, as she sighed.

I don't want to think about this anymore.

You don't have to.

Kaylee opened her eyes and looked up into Jess's for confirmation. She pushed up onto her tiptoes again and pressed her lips to Jess's, doing her best to push aside the pain she still felt. She didn't want to worry Jess, but she knew it was futile. Though they could keep certain thoughts from each other, and if they were hurt or angry, they could even block their emotions for a short amount of time, their bond in its simplest form was emotion, and it flowed between them like water.

Jess hugged Kaylee tighter. She could sense the blonde trying to hold back her pain and fear, even as their link transmitted the emotions anyway. Then she tasted the salty wetness mingling with their lips, and her heart broke for her mate.

She drew her mouth to the side, gently kissing up the trail of tears, as she moved up over Kaylee's cheek, barely touching her lips to each of Kaylee's eyes, before placing a tender kiss on the blonde's forehead.

It's okay. You can cry, Jess offered sympathetically, as she rested her forehead against Kaylee's, her own eyes brimming with tears behind her closed eyelids.

I know, but... I'm the Commander, Kaylee protested weakly, as she squeezed her eyes tighter in an attempt to keep the tears from falling, but it just pushed them out faster. I can't-

You don't have to be the Commander with me. You can let go. I can take it, Jess promised.

Kaylee tried to resist, but the silence was broken a moment later, as the last of Kaylee's reserves crumbled, and she cried out in anguish. She hugged the taller woman for all she was worth, as the first sobs were wrenched from her body.

Jess was once again inundated with the images from last night and that morning, but the fear, pain, and anger accompanying the memories was overwhelming. She realized that Kaylee had only sent a fraction of her emotions to the group last night; if she'd actually let them feel her pain this deeply, they probably would have passed out. As it was, Jess could only hold on, as the nightmare Kaylee had lived through purged itself from her mind.

For Jess, it was like living in fast forward; she knew the events she was seeing in her mind's eye were happening at an incredible speed, but she could see, hear, and feel everything as if in normal time.

She watched, as one horror after another paraded in front of her closed eyes.

A dokäré child crying inconsolably, as she was taken away from her parents because her Zaru owner had sold her to another master.

A huge tournament in which two bonded dokäré, who had been pitted against each other in a duel to the death for their masters' amusement, chose suicide instead.

An elderly dokäré, who Jess immediately recognized as Kaylee's father, being beaten with torture sticks until he could do nothing more than writhe on the ground, at which point he was shot through the head with some kind of laser beam that neatly sliced off the top of his skull.

Jess nearly threw up at that last one, but then the scene was gone, replaced by the feeling that she was on the bridge of a spaceship, her spaceship, and as she looked around, she saw what appeared to be a large view screen showing the image of a planet that could have been Earth, if not for the strangely shaped land masses dotting its surface. She was overwhelmed by a sense of terror, and then it was abruptly cut off, as the planet burst apart, as if in slow motion, completely obliterating the nearby ships in orbit. The mass spread outward until it filled the viewing area, and then she felt herself speak in a language she didn't know, and the view screen was blacked out.

As Jess came back to the present, she realized she was crying just as hard as Kaylee. They'd both sunk to their knees at some point, but neither of them had noticed the cold ground while they'd been sharing Kaylee's past. Jess repositioned them, so that she was holding Kaylee in her lap with her head nestled into the crook of her arm like a child. She rocked with her, rubbing her back in soothing circles, while she intermittently kissed the side of the blonde's head in comfort.

I love you, Kayleeya. It'll be okay. You'll see. You'll be okay. We'll be all right. We'll find a way...

As the minutes passed, Jess never stopped the flow of reassuring thoughts, as she rocked, needing to believe the words as much as Kaylee. She knew she was way out of her depth and had been since she'd first started this relationship. She had no idea what to do...

Just be with me, Kaylee's thought quietly interrupted Jess's increasingly panicky ones.

Jess felt her fears instantly drop away at the simple request, and she finally relaxed muscles she hadn't realized were so tense.

I think I can do that.

Yeah, she could do that.