primer - n. 1. An introductory textbook; 2. Any device by which an explosive charge is ignited

Day 7

McKenzie brought up her web browser and typed in the only search term she could think of: body slave. The first four links had to do with tattooing, body piercing, and some essays about slaves in history, but the fifth one looked promising. The title of the link was "The Contract" and the little blurb seemed to describe how two people had entered into a consensual slavery contract.

McKenzie clicked on the link and waited for the page to load. She'd locked her door, even though Karen wasn't home and she was pretty sure Ryan wouldn't be visiting her so soon after last night. She'd messed up, she was sure of that. She just wasn't sure how or why. So she'd decided to do a search about the kind of relationship she wanted with Ryan.

As she read through the contract, she realized it was a little more severe than what Ryan had proposed to her, but the foundation was the same. At the bottom of the page was a link to the main index of the site, so she clicked on it. She was given a list of links and clicked on the definitions section.

The more she read, the more she learned. And the wetter she got. She didn't notice it at first, but when she moved to bring her legs underneath her, she felt the squish as her soppy sex rubbed against her clothing. She grinned a little in embarrassment.

"Well, I guess if I had any doubts about what I want, they're gone now," she mumbled to herself.

With the new information she gleaned from the web site, McKenzie returned to her search page and entered a new term: BDSM. MSN Search sent her to a new search engine, NightSurf.com, because it apparently had a problem with adult content. McKenzie shrugged.

At the new site, she found ads for all manner of weird sex, from live webcams to polls asking her what sixties TV stars were her fantasies.

"Carol Brady?! Ewww. Oh God, it gets worse. Mike Brady!"

McKenzie started giggling, but she was trying to be an adult about this, so she composed herself and clicked on a link. It was definitely not an information site. She clicked the back button and a new window popped up with an ad. She closed it and another one immediately popped up. She frowned and closed that one and another one came up, this one with a sign-up form of some kind.

"Not on your life! Now go away!" McKenzie said in frustration.

Finally, after going through the whole process twice because the site wouldn't let her click the Back button to leave, she went into the history of links and returned to the search page. But now she didn't want to click on any of the other links. They were too much trouble.

But there had to be a place to find the information she needed. McKenzie thought about all the different search engines. AskJeeves came to mind, so she tried it. It gave her the same message that MSN Search had, with a link to the other search engine. Then she tried Excite, which gave her a long list of porno sites for her viewing delight; AltaVista, which offered the same; and finally Google, which gave McKenzie her first break, the BDSM Index of Sexuality.org.

It didn't take long for her to find the BDSM Handbook, as well as several other articles that gave her new insight into herself and Ryan. The articles on submission, slavery, and consensuality were very thought provoking and she realized how much of a risk Ryan had taken by simply engaging in this type of relationship with her. It also explained why Ryan was so adamant that she be sure of McKenzie's ability to choose for herself. Anything less could become very abusive and unhealthy for both of them.

McKenzie bookmarked the site and then decided to give it one more try with About.com. It had been a good research resource for her in the past, so she dutifully typed in the BDSM keyword.

She was immediately given a list of links, but she looked at the descriptions carefully and went to the BDSM index hosted by About.com itself. After making a few false starts with some misleading titles, she stumbled onto the site titled Submissive Women Speak. As soon as she started reading, she felt like she'd found her people.

The women writing the content for the site seemed to know exactly what was in her heart. Though the stuff was slanted toward the heterosexual viewpoint, McKenzie found it very easy to translate everything to Ryan. The ideas and experiences presented by the women seemed like something out of her dreams.

Just the thought of being allowed to serve Ryan completely gave McKenzie a thrill and a deep sense of satisfaction. She couldn't explain it. She wanted to please Ryan in every way and yet she knew that most people would see that as a weakness, where she saw it as a strength. By giving Ryan everything that she wanted, McKenzie knew she would fulfill her deepest desires. And judging from the way Ryan had reacted to her little attempt at control, she knew Ryan wanted her obedience. Maybe even craved it the way McKenzie craved Ryan's control.

Of course, McKenzie was also very aware of her own strong will and she wondered if she would ever make a good enough slave for Ryan. How could she turn her will, her choice, over to Ryan without losing herself? Then McKenzie realized the question was pointless. Whenever she was with Ryan, she was herself. And in the past few days in which she'd given herself completely over to Ryan, she'd felt more alive, more herself, than she ever had before.

The trust and security she seemed to feel with Ryan was another major factor in her decision to be with Ryan. Even Ryan's obvious disappointment in her when she'd disobeyed hadn't managed to change McKenzie's feelings on the matter. In fact, it seemed to galvanize her into doing better, hence her current quest for information.

Now that McKenzie had a better understanding of what Ryan was trying to accomplish with her, she knew where she'd gone wrong. What she'd done was very taboo and had probably upset Ryan more than McKenzie knew.

Well, she'd just have to do better and prove to Ryan that she could be the slave Ryan wanted her to be. McKenzie would become the slave she herself wanted to be.