Chapter 31

Case parked her truck and cut off the engine. They were out of sight from the main road behind the last building before the long stretch of emptiness to the rigged warehouse. She got out of the truck and met Rain at the rear bumper.

"Antonio was always paranoid about you guys, or the cops, getting a chance to spy on him. That's why he made sure to keep the place isolated, just like his home."

"How are we going to get close enough to..." Rain started, but Case interrupted her, anticipating the question.

"We don't need to. All we need to do is watch for the cars. This is the only road that goes to the warehouse, so they'll all have to go by us. I know the plates. Carlotti made me memorize them, and Doc sends me... Well, he used to send me updates whenever someone bought a new vehicle." She handed Rain a small pair of binoculars with night-vision capabilities for when it became dark. "You can use those to watch the road and check off the numbers I'll give you to make sure that everyone shows up." She picked up another larger set for herself. "And I can see well enough through these to make sure everyone goes inside. Then I blow the place," Case finished.

Case found a notepad and a pen and wrote down the license plate numbers for all the possible vehicles that the bosses had at their disposal. For some, the list was unbelievably long, for others, it was relatively short. Once Case was finished, she gave the paper to Rain.

As they sat quietly in the back of the SUV, waiting for the time when they would actually have something to do, Rain tried to think of something to say, but she was at a total loss. Her brain seemed to have shut down after she'd decided to go along with Case's plans. She couldn't stop questioning herself as to whether she'd made the right decision or not.

In fact, Rain didn't think there was a right decision in all of this. On the one hand, she had an assassin who intended to kill a bunch of people who were just as guilty of the horrible crimes Case had committed. While on the other, the law said she was supposed to protect those criminals until they could be put on trial, and if that meant killing Case, the woman she loved, or even just putting her in prison until she died of old age, then so be it.

Rain was supposed to put aside her personal feelings and just do her job, which sounded an awful lot like what Case had done in order to survive the past few years. The realization of her loss of faith in the system made Rain feel like she was in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight and no chance of rescue.

Next to Rain, Case sat pensively as she tried not to think about anything at all. She'd dragged Rain into her crazy plan, and she knew Rain probably hated her for it. But no matter how hard Case tried to see things from Rain's point of view, she couldn't get past her own understanding of the way the world worked.

You couldn't trust the cops or anyone else to protect you. They had their own agendas and it didn't matter what was right or wrong. They just wanted to do their jobs and go home and feel good about themselves. If that meant they put the blame on a teenage girl for taking the law into her own hands when no one else was willing to protect her and her mother, then that's what they did. They didn't have to feel guilty that they'd let some kid get hurt. They could congratulate themselves that they'd caught a psycho in the making and put her behind bars.

But Case wasn't quite as jaded as she tried to pretend to herself. She knew there were plenty of good cops, but she also knew that didn't make them better than everyone else. They were still human just like all the judges and all the people who held office. Being a representative of the law didn't make a person automatically right. Even Rain, as much as Case loved her, seemed to be under the impression that the law was more important than the people it was supposed to protect, and Case could never accept that. Sometimes, the law had to be broken in order to protect the people.

Justice was in the hands of the most powerful, not the most morally wise or correct.

Case tried to shake off the philosophical thoughts. They didn't do her any good and she needed to be in the here and now, not off on some mental trip. She was just getting herself grounded again when she heard her stomach growl loudly.

Rain heard the sound of Case's hunger and took the opportunity to focus on something other than her confused thoughts. She moved further into the truck to bring out the deli sandwiches they'd picked up on their way over to the warehouse. She opened two bottles of water and passed one to Case.

"Thanks," Case said, as she unwrapped her sandwich and took a bite.

It was quiet again as they ate, sitting side by side with their legs dangling over the bumper, but when the silence continued after they'd finished their food, Rain had to speak.

"So, what happens after this?"

Case looked over at her for a moment. Her eyes seemed to fill with emotion for a brief second, and then they went dead again. She turned her head away to look around at the yellow-orange glow reflecting off everything from the soon-to-be setting sun.

"I disappear and you go back to your life," she said with finality.

Rain thought that over for all of about two seconds.

"No."

Case rolled her eyes and began to protest, but Rain didn't let her start.

"No. This isn't over between us," Rain declared and took a breath to continue, but Case beat her to it.

"Of course it is. You're an FBI agent and I'm part of the organization you were investigating. Once all those bosses are dead, the investigation's over and you get to stop pretending to be some thug. Or are you still planning on trying to bring me in?" Case asked with an edge to her voice.

"No. That's not what I was talking about. This... What we feel about each other was never part of my assignment. I don't think you can just toss it aside so easily."

There was silence for a while as Case tried to come up with a response that would get Rain to give up, but none of it sounded convincing even to her own ears. Her shoulders slumped slightly in defeat as she studied the ground.

"It won't work. I can't live in your world. Not after the things I've done. And you don't belong in mine. You can't stop being who you are any more than I can."

Rain leaned into Case and lifted her chin with the tips of her fingers. Her expression was one of understanding and she spoke gently.

"You're not a killer, Case."

Case laughed in her face.

"There are a few people who I think would disagree with you. If they could," she said, and shrugged off the tender touch as she hopped off the back of the truck to put more space between them.

Rain let her hand drop, but she didn't give up as she spoke to Case's back.

"All right. Yeah, you've killed people. But you're not a killer. I've profiled killers. That's what I was before I was finally allowed to go after Carlotti. I was a profiler and that means I know the difference between someone who kills because they have to and someone who does it for fun. Case, if you never had to defend yourself from an attack ever again, would you seek someone out to kill them just for sport?"

Case looked back over her shoulder for a second and then faced away again as she shook her head in negation.

"No, of course not," Case answered tersely, sounding offended just from being asked the question.

"That's my point." Rain stood up and walked closer to Case, but refrained from actually touching her. "I'm not saying the things you've done are okay. They're not and I have no idea how you're going to deal with it when it all catches up to you. I don't really know how to deal with it myself, except to keep telling myself that if you hadn't followed orders, you'd be dead and that's unacceptable to me. Those are extenuating circumstances in my opinion. But the truth of the matter is that you never wanted to kill anyone. It's not who you are."

"That's not true," Case admitted quietly and slowly turned around to face the tall woman, though she wouldn't meet her eyes.

"What?" Rain asked in surprise.

She hadn't expected a rebuttal.

Case stood in front of Rain with her head bowed as if awaiting judgment for her sins. She spoke to the ground as she answered Rain's question.

"I wanted to kill my dad," Case confessed. "I hated him."

Case swallowed as images from her past flashed across her mind's eye. She'd only spoken once about that bloody night and she'd held it all in ever since. But for some reason, she wanted to tell Rain about it. The need was so powerful, in fact, that Case started speaking without quite knowing what she was going to say.

"My dad... One night, he was so drunk and he started beating my mother. She kept screaming for him to stop, but he just kept hitting her and kicking her." Case's voice cracked and tears started pouring down her cheeks, but she continued through the pain. "I tried to stop him. I tried to pull him off her, but then he started beating on me, too. I ran. I think he was too drunk to remember he'd been hitting me and he went back to kicking my mom. I was gonna go after him again, but then I saw the knife in the sink, so I went for it, and when he came at me, I stabbed him. But he kept moving, so I just kept stabbing him and then I couldn't stop. I just hated him so much and I just wanted him to stop hurting us. He was always hurting us."

Rain stepped forward to hug Case, but Case quickly stepped back and held up her arms to stop the agent. She squeezed her eyes tightly to wring out the last of the tears and shook her head. She took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes again, Rain could see the light was gone.

"Then I realized he was dead." Case's voice had also lost its emotion and Rain stood there helplessly. "I just kind of... I don't know. I spaced out for a while and then the cops were cuffing me. My mother said I was crazy and that he never hurt me. I wished I'd killed her, too, then." Case finally looked up and Rain's heart clenched at the cold expression she saw on Case's face. "So, you're wrong. I have wanted to kill. I enjoyed it. It was a relief to know he'd never be able to hurt me again. That I finally got him back for what he did to me. Only I didn't. Nothing could ever repay that. Nothing."

Rain knew she had to do something to pull Case back from the old memories. She needed to remind Case that the past was over and she had a chance for a new life now. Only one thing came to mind.

"I love you, Cassandra."

Case looked up, startled at the use of her name and the words she'd never heard directed towards herself before. She tried to speak, but her throat was too tight. Rain continued as she took another tentative step forward to close the distance between them.

"I love you and no matter what you've done or what you ever do, that won't change," Rain promised. She caught Case's eyes again. "I've dreamed about what it would be like to lose you and I can't take that again. Never again."

Rain slowly reached up and brushed the tears from Case's cheeks. Case finally accepted the touch and closed her eyes for a moment to enjoy it. Then she opened her eyes and stared into Rain's with so much intensity that Rain actually stopped breathing in anticipation.

"I love you, Rebecca."

Case felt more tears come at finally saying those words out loud and letting Rain hear them. It felt wonderful just to say them, and the joy she saw on Rain's face made her feel so good inside. She wanted to be with Rain so much.

Too much. It would destroy her if she lost Rain. She couldn't take the risk of believing they had a chance together, only to be devastated when it all finally fell apart the way she knew it would. So, she did the only thing she could to keep herself safe. She pushed away her heart and clamped down on the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her if she gave them half the chance. There was nothing else she could do.

Case sighed in resignation as she gently disengaged from Rain and turned away.

"But it doesn't matter. We just weren't meant to be together," Case told the agent as she crossed her arms in a subconscious attempt to console herself.

Rain felt her heart stop beating as she stared at Case in shock. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. Nothing seemed real. A cold numbness was quickly sweeping through her body and the intellectual part of her mind recognized the beginnings of panic.

She'd been holding onto the fantasy that Case would stay with her. She'd believed that once they'd each told each other how they felt, they would naturally choose to be together. Forever. That was just how it was supposed to be.

But the reality was that Case truly intended to walk out of her life forever. Their love wasn't enough, and after tonight, she would never see Case again. The woman was just going to disappear and nothing Rain said or did would stop her.

In that instant of clarity, something inside Rain broke. She'd lost too much, seen too much death and pain. Anger exploded inside her and Rain suddenly screamed without thinking.

"NO!"

Case jumped and turned back around to find tears streaming down Rain's cheeks. Rain shook her head violently and began pacing as she continued to shout furiously.

"We were always meant to be together, damn it!" Rain yelled. She didn't know where her conviction came from, but she was sure it was true as she continued to speak without censoring herself. "We just keep fucking it up! And now you just wanna walk away?! Well, fuck you! I didn't come here to lose you, god damn it!" Rain paused as the pain in her chest made her gasp on a sob. "Please," she cried, and found she almost couldn't draw a breath to speak, so she whispered. "Don't leave me."

Rain felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach and she slowly went to her knees on the asphalt. Only the news of her brother's death had come close to causing her the kind of anguish she was experiencing right now. She swallowed to keep from throwing up and her voice was hollow when she spoke.

"I'd rather you just killed me," she requested.

Case stood in shock. It was the absolute dejection in Rain's voice that got through to her and made her move. She knelt down in front of Rain and pulled the sobbing woman into her arms and held her tightly. She kissed the top of Rain's head several times and suddenly felt a sense of relief to know that Rain was alive and in her arms. She never wanted to let go and she felt stupid for even considering a life without Rain. She finally allowed herself the briefest hope that they could actually work something out.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Case's tears fell onto Rain's hair, but she smoothed them away. "I promise, we'll make it. Somehow, we'll find a way. I swear," Case promised from somewhere deep inside herself.

Rain nodded in acceptance and wrapped her arms around Case in return. They stayed like that for a long while, just rocking with each other as they held one another. Eventually though, Case pulled back again. She wiped at her tears as she spoke.

"I've dreamed about losing you, too. I did kill you, only I didn't mean to. I didn't want to, but everything happened so fast... And then tonight, I almost..." did it again.

Rain put her fingers to Case's lips.

"Shh. It's all right. You didn't kill me. It was just a dream," Rain said, more to convince herself than the assassin, as her own dream of killing Case played clearly in her mind's eye.

Case nodded slowly and hugged Rain a little tighter. She wished she could stop time and stay with Rain in that moment forever. She just never wanted to let go of the woman.

But it was only a few minutes later when Case's watch alarm informed her it was time for them to begin their vigil. A slow and tender kiss marked their parting to reaffirm their pledge to stay together. Then they went their separate ways to carry out Case's plan.

Rain took up a position that allowed her to watch the road, so that she could check off the license plate numbers from the notepad. Case moved to the other side of the building they were hiding behind in order to keep watch on the warehouse itself.

Half an hour before the meeting was supposed to begin, the first string of cars arrived. Case zoomed in with her high-powered lenses and tried to make out all of the people who exited the three cars. Case recognized the shortest man as a boss, second only to Antonio himself, while the two men on either side of him were his seconds.

Another two men took up posts leaning against one car each, while the only woman stood by the third car. Case knew the last three were the drivers and she had been counting on the woman's presence as the boss's favorite chauffeur. In fact, without her, Case would have been in trouble, and she breathed a small sigh of relief that everything had worked out so far.

A few minutes later, another string of cars arrived, and then another. Case watched as each group exited the cars and entered the building. She wondered what they were talking about, whether they'd started arguing with each other or were ignoring each other completely. She almost wished she'd set up listening devices so that she could hear what they were doing, but she knew it wasn't important to her goal, so she let it go.

Case continued to observe the latest arrivals through her binoculars as new groups showed up every few minutes.